I've been thinking about life and death lately. I think that happens when one loses a loved one. I am not morose about death and understand that we all live and then die.That is the way is it supposed to be. I wouldn't even want to live on earth forever and can say that I even look forward to when it's time for me to go - though I am in no rush. But when someone you love dies - including pets, but moreso with people - the pain is so crushing that you temporarily lose that intellectual understanding - and become an open wound ebbing and flowing with emotions and memories so intense that at times you wonder how you can go on. Feelings. Intense feelings - without the protection of your intellectual rationale. And at the time of a loved one's death you might feel more alive than you have in a long time. Is that a crazy thing to say? I don't think so. For me it's necessary to go through the mourning process full on - straight through the pain - and then let it go. I've heard that some people take drugs to numb themselves, but won't they eventually have to feel it? I believe the only way out of grief is to go through it.
And I believe in God and life after death. Death to me means the soul goes somewhere else. Perhaps into the cosmic flow of life and everything eternal. Maybe to another stage of learning and becoming wiser and closer to the white light where God is. Maybe to a place called Heaven. Some people say life after death is illogical because it can't be proven. But I believe our brains are finite and what is beyond this life is infinite. We aren't capable of understanding the infinite - no matter how erudite we are. Our little brains sputter trying to grasp it. So, it takes a leap of faith to believe in something that can't be proven.
When someone dies it's the missing them that is so difficult. Adjusting to life without them. It's a selfish thing really.They are in a better place if you believe in life after death. But we want them to still be with us, making us smile and laugh, touching us in so many ways. Gimme.
I've been thinking about life and death because of Mesa and Cujo of course, but also because when Mike and I move to our little farm and take on lots of animals, death will happen more often than I am used to. Animals die and I will have to get used to it and not let it overcome me so. It's the way it's supposed to be. The problem is when you get so emotionally attached... and I do - you miss their little innocent souls. But I will have to learn to accept death easier in the future. Well... I will try.
And then there is Mike and me. As far as we go, we're hoping to both get hit by lightening while working out in the garden or strolling around the farm one day - and leave this world together. Wouldn't that be nice? Of course, we'll have to make sure that we have a back-up person on stand-by to take care of all our animals if that happens.