Wahsega Valley Farm

Hiding away

I might be turning into a recluse. It's my natural tendency - to be alone. I've never had the opportunity for much solitude in my life before now, so I like my newfound aloneness. A lot. But I fear I might be wallowing in it. Is that bad? I feel so comfortable here in our little cabin in the forest with my kitties and garden. I feel peaceful and in awe of the nature that surrounds me. If I don't really have to, I don't like getting in the car and driving into town or wherever. Even though I love my exercise classes, there are days when I just don't want to go and be around people and leave my quiet, serene world. The people are perfectly nice, but it feels like a jolt to my system dealing with them and making conversation. Like coming out of a tranquil dream.

I'm starting to struggle a bit with it.

And having to force myself to get out more. A huge part of me doesn't want to though. I know, I know... most people look for any opportunity to get out and about and socialize or be seen. Not me; give me a good book or garden plot or yarn to crochet, etc. and I'm happy as a pig in mud.

But... I'm wondering... is it a healthy way to be? I commun- icate quite a bit online and of course, I see Mike every day and we get along wonderfully. I've never liked talking on the phone, so I don't do much of that, but I love writing letters. I dunno... I think I feel pressure (but, from where?) to be more social, but now I'm in a position where I don't have to be. I am still in my celebration from having to mingle mode!

I think maybe it will even out. That right now I'm like a kid in a candy store and am eating so much candy that I'll eventually get sick. But then I'll wise up and realize it's a question of balance.

But I wonder... is it possible that too much introspection and tranquility can make me sick? Because for the most part I just feel plain ol' rejuvenated and at peace.

Introvert Power

Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth, more than ruin, more even than death. Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible; thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid.

-Bertrand Russell

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I like that quote - and just read it in a new book I'm starting, Introvert Power by Laurie Helgoe. The quote starts off the chapter titled "The Time to Think." I've not read it yet, but I see it discusses the rhythm of introversion and probably goes on to say that we need a lot of time to be alone with our thoughts. I sure do.

It's nice reading about introversion because for so many years I just thought I was a recluse or outcast - and felt kind of bad about it. Inferior y'know - to all the gregarious, bouncy people around me. But being an introvert is a good thing just like being an extrovert is - and reading about it confirms that all my quirks and idiosyncrasies are okay. That's important because I live with a loud, boisterous extrovert and at work I am surrounded by people all day. That I hide away alone on my lunch break and don't mind that Mike has to sometimes work on days when I am at home are both parts of being an introvert - and not bad at all. 

The only problem I really have with my introversion right now is that I like quiet and Mike likes noisy, and sometimes we want the opposite thing. He usually likes to empty his mind after a hard day at work; whereas I like to fill mine. So he wants some mindless, loud TV to take him out of his head  while I prefer to read quietly - putting things in my head. Our jobs are so different, along with our personalities in some areas that we occasionally need different input. But we like to be together. So I'm thinking some earphones for the TV would be a good thing. He could watch while I read - and we could still be close together.

Maybe Introvert Power discusses these kinds of things. Looks as though it does - and a whole lot more. Now I need to finish three other books so I can start reading it. I really do need those earphones; I could sure get a lot more reading done and that would make me one happy introvert.

Introverts are not mentally ill

Painting by Cathy Schoenberg

I don't know how many people reading this are introverts, but I most definitely am. I am not shy; I am fatigued by spending too much time in people's company and need a lot of alone time, which I don't usually get. Here is an article I recently discovered that has some interesting points.

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Introverts Are Not Mentally Ill
from www.theintrovertzcoach.com

One of the biggest differences between introverts and extroverts is how they react to stress.

Some people don't understand how introverts react to stress. Because of this, they think that introverts are "neurotic" or mentally ill. Let me explain why this is a misperception.

When extroverts are stressed, they "act out". They may smoke, drink, yell and scream, throw a punch, stomp around or generally raise the roof. Although this behavior is difficult and even obnoxious, it is not considered "mentally ill".

When introverts are stressed, they withdraw. They do this to recharge their batteries, not because they are neurotic. Introverts need time alone to bring order back into their inner world. They give energy to others and receive energy when alone.

Let's look at some of the things that can stress introverts.

• Introverts are territorial. Someone cannot take their seat, move their stuff, lean on their desk, ignore their closed door or borrow their clothes without making them angry.
• Introverts need more time to recharge their batteries. If denied time alone, they may become irritable and depressed.
• Introverts value privacy. When their boundaries are disregarded, when someone has a loud personal conversation on their cell phone in their captive presence, such as waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store, they can be annoyed and offended.
• Introverts fear failure in public and experience deep humiliation because of it. If the teacher grabs an introvert for a demonatration of a new skill or a spouse puts an introvert on the spot to put a bicycle together it can be extremely stressful.
• Introverts prefer to communicate in writing. They may feel exhausted by too much verbal communication that "isn't going anywhere". Introverts hate small talk.
• Introverts like being prepared. If rushed to present a solution or opinion, they may be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes refuse to do so at all.

What are some ways that introverts restore balance?

• Introverts need to spend at least half of their time alone for optimal good health.
• Introverts love long trips, walks in nature and usually enjoy the company of animals. These activities restore their peace of mind and equilibrium.
• Introverts give energy when they are with people and need to be alone to recharge their batteries.
• Intoverts need a room of their own with a door that closes.
• Introverts need to give themselves permission to communicate via email or in writing and to ingore the phone.
• Decision making should take place without time pressure if possible. Introverts like to be prepared!
• Introverts hate surprises. It's natural to try and control your own world as much as possible... learn to let the rest of it go!

If you're an introvert, it's important to understand your natural reactions to stress and what you can do to restore your equilibrium. Retreats into self are neither neurotic nor mentally ill. They are a natural restorative to introverts.

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Also read Caring for Your Introvert, by Jonathan Rauch - the best!